naked-boy

One year after and I am still on this island. I want to go back home. I guess I learnt to be an adult, even though my life didn't change that much. I breathe more, I sleep better, I work more.

I still dream a lot, especially about people I miss. My heart is full of regrets and I cannot forget them ; but it doesn't affect me as much as it did. I don't hate being myself anymore, conscious to be mediocre, which I will always be, I just try to be a better person, a goal that I will never completely achieve.

I am OK with all of this.

I am just waiting for big things to happen again. The time will come.

The hardest dilemma of my life. This is harder than to choose between two girls or two brands of cereals. Like tons of people I built my identity and started my life when I was a teenager. But what if being a teenager is the basis of everything you built and became ? How to become an adult if, when you search words to describe yourself, the first one that comes to your mind is "teenager". I am 22 now and feel like I will always consider myself as a boy and not as a man.

Yes I am working, yes I manage my own life, yes I have some responsibilities. I am in a period where I work hard on myself to have a healthier way of living. I try to smoke less, to eat better, to sleep correctly, to manage my hours of work decently, to keep some money to be safer.

But I cannot imagine a life where I am different, I do not want to be something else than a kid who only lives for romantic relationships and artistic creation (I love to compose music since I am 13). I just want to discover everything that is worth a breath of life. I want to go on changing my haircut every quarter because I am fed up with it. I want more tattoos and body piercings, I want to live outside of the big world of boring work and stupid routine. I want to live for love and music, I want every moment of my life to be most crazy adventure, even when I am working an entire week without going out of my appartment. My life needs to deserve its own book.

(I will have a camera soon ! )

I'm finally back here, nothing exceptional, just for a specific webcam project, not very interesting though.

I may have some new projects in the following months, but nothing accurate yet.

Just working a lot - not going outside - turning adult (shame)

Oh, and I'm living in Malta for a few months now !